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3 months later and nothing has really changed. got some new pc parts. bing chillen been really obsessed with vr for the past year planning on upgrading from the valve index to either the bigscreen beyond or pico 4 pro. probably hardest decision of my life because although the beyond is the smallest vr hmd ever and would make vr extremely comfortable but its lacking features after that while the pico 4 pro has face tracking and is wireless. i dont care about wireless vr and i dont think it's there yet i do feel like i should experience it at least.


Update post soon.


I still haven't done much with my life. Still no solid job or source of income, but im working on that. Other than that, i've gotten deeper into cyberpunk and it makes me pretty happy to feel apart of something again, something that's actually means something. This interest is the only thing that's keeping me sane i think. Learning more and reading alot and watching alot of stuff really helps fill the empty time, but also not only does it help me stay busy it also makes me more aware and reminds me of the kind of world i live in. When i do end up landing another shitty job i plan on using the money i earn to pursue my hobbies and interests. i think thats the only way for me anymore. im not completely against schooling, im just against taking classes that wont benefit what you want to do with your life. i do want to take a couple courses but i dont plan on getting a degree. i do however plan on getting a CERT, whether its CompTIA Linux+, Network+, Security+, Pentesting+, or other alike that may be easier, it doesnt matter. all of those interest me and i see more value in having one or multiple of those certs than having a degree. Theres a handful of reasons youd want a cert over a IT degree or something but i rather not speak on that unless someone asks me. With the way my life panned out, i feel like thats my calling, my only way to have significance, to mean something, to make a name for myself. ive never liked normal schooling and id do anything to avoid it and do something thats personally more benefital for me and that makes me happy. i dont care if my family wants me to go to uni or something. its not the 90s and early 2010s anymore wheres thats your only options to do what youre passionate about. I wholeheartedly believe it's time to start rejecting the old schooling systems and find other alterantives that inherently have better value.


i have a small project i want to continue working on but it involves me recording and im going to be home alone soon so i cant wait to get working on that, finally i have something to actually do that i can enjoy.

also i hate people


my life has currently been like: >open discord >close discord >open 4chan >close 4chan >open youtube >close youtube >open porn >close porn >open vidya >close vidya >try to sleep >fail >go back to pc and repeat everything very quickly >pass out >repeat


some shit ive been listening to lately


i woke up today and thought i still had multiple groups of people i enjoy talking to but then i looked at my phone and reality started to set in. in that single moment i felt the most overwhelming sense of lonliness i've ever felt in my entire life. that feeling almost sent me into a blind rage that would've put myself into danger. i wonder what my life is going to be like in 2 years, but i hope im not here to see it.


im in the process of joining the Fediverse. I think the different communities and instances u can be apart of is amazing and actually gives you a sense of community in this age of hivemind conformitty and the hyper extreme politcal agenda many platforms are flooded with, no one knows how to have fun online anymore. The fact some encourage freespeech is everything ive been wanting for in a media platform. I made a Poast earlier this year but i kinda of stopped using it and went back to twitter(when i still had an account), but now i think i want to get deeper in the Fedierse and find an instance i belong in. the Poast instance isn't gonna be my main it was just the first one i found and im most likely going to delete it.


why is it so hard to stay focused and motivated when i know that at the end of the day nothing i do really matters. just trying to make little updates on here every once in a while feels more and more pointless. whenever someone asks me why do i have a website why dont you just use social media? that right there is the reason why. i haven't been able to really sit down and do the things i genuinely enjoy for a while and i feel really overwhelmed when i do fuck all everyday. sitting down, zoning out, and consuming meaningless media looks like my everyday for the next couple months again.


a fren recommended i get a mesh coffee filter and it makes my coffee taste 100 times better, i dont regret getting it honestly.


i finished watching Mr. Robot and he's just like me lol